Today’s podcast is about parenting. Patty is sharing her philosophy specifically as it relates to the 100% rule. As a mom, knowing when she’s done her 100% and surrendering the rest is something she continues to work on.
If you are a mom (or dad) you already understand that you can’t parent all kids the same way. Different kids need different guidance and support and that’s true for Patty too.
Let children see for themselves what is possible. It’s important that as a parent you accept your child as they are. This has opened up space with both kids, by creating awareness of what’s possible and allowing them to share how Patty can best support them.
“You know that you’re doing more than your 100% when you feel like you are pushing a boulder up a hill.”
Most of the time when we get to the 100% space and it’s time to let go, we feel fear. The illusion of control is what makes us feel strong, so letting go and bring up all kinds of doubts.
Remember, the Divine loves your kids and has their back. They have their own helpers in life just like we do. When it’s time to surrender (after doing your 100%) remember that others can and will step in to help.
Hear how to fully let go, understanding it’s for your highest good. This is the part that trips us up the most.
When we see our child hurting because they’ve made a bad decision or are struggling to choose differently, it brings pain to us as parents. That’s a good time to look at the pain to see if it’s about more than what is happening with your child.
When you heal something in yourself, it helps everyone in your family. Everything that happens can be something that leads to helping your kids and helping yourself.
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Part of the 100% being able to even get to the 100% mark where your parenting is concerned knowing where you can let go into the divine. The first is receiving your children as they are, and really honoring who they are. Welcome to the space for magic podcast where people who are led by their hearts come to learn the secrets to receiving all the gifts the universe has for us. I’m your host, Patty Lennon. I’m an ex type a corporate banker turned intuitive coach, using a blend of common sense brain science and just a dash of magic. I’m here to help you create abundance in every area of your life, and business. Welcome.
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Hey, there, welcome to this episode of the space for magic podcast. I’m your host, Patty Lennon. And today I want to talk to you about parenting.
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Now, I don’t know how long this podcast episode is gonna go, I suspect it’ll be on the short side. And here’s the reason I do not see myself as a parenting expert. I am a parent. And from that perspective, I probably have something to add. But this is one place I can tell you in my life, that I feel like I’m constantly in the, you know, beginner’s mind, the learning, because, you know, like, if you have children, or if you are watching someone you love, raise children, you know that children change from year to year. And so things that you did as a parent last year just don’t work this year, right, they get older, they change, they evolve, they need a different parenting structure. And so I feel like I’m always catching up. However, I do feel like I’ve been asked often to put out more content about parenting from my inner circles, my membership, the magic lounge, you know, things will come up around parenting, where I’m giving feedback based on you know, things I’ve done, that are really grounded in the receiving rules, right, the five rules of receiving that I talked about, in my book, make space for magic that I talk about here on the podcast all the time, they’re the foundation of the receiving school. And, you know, the first rule is receive the outer world. And the second rule is receive your inner world yourself. The third is clear space to make space. The fourth rule is love, know your love, you know your language, sorry, not your love language that is not my intellectual property, know your language, which means understand how the divine the spirit world speaks to you. And the fifth is do your 100%. And this month, we’re really focusing on that fifth rule of do your 100%, which states that know where your effort begins and ends and where it ends. That’s the point where you surrender to the divine. That’s the point where you let go. And I feel like that letting go where kids are concerned, is really challenging. I still I you know, I will say this often as much as I have become proficient in understanding where my 100% Mark is on most things. When it comes to my kids, I really have a hard time surrendering to the Divine, there’s just a risk, feeling involved in just letting go and letting be that is stronger, where my kids are concerned. And that I think also leads me back to a place where I’m like, Who am I to give anyone information on how to parent. But like I said, my community has felt helped by some of the stories I’ve shared. And so I wanted to, to address that in this context in the context of a podcast month where we’re focusing on the 100% rule. So what I have found, and this has been an evolution for me as a parent is that and if you are a parent, like I said, Every child is different. You probably if you have more than one child find that parenting them is not the same. You can’t parent two kids the same way. And you know, my one child is very rules driven, very, like structure likes to know, you know, what’s happening first, second, and third and what they’re, you know, what is the requirements to have fulfilled an expectation, right. That is how that child navigates the world. My other child has a fairly rebellious nature and does not like rules and really needs to get to that child’s decisions on their own. They really push back whenever a rule is applied. and they will only buy into the rule if they understand how the rule works and why it is in place and what it gets them. Right. So I will say that part of the 100%, knowing like where the 100% mark is, is different for every child. So I can’t give you do this, this and this and this whole work. But what I will show you and what I will share with you, is what I have found, has really transformed my relationship with both children. So part of the 100%, being able to even get to the 100% mark where your parenting is concerned knowing where you can let go into the divine. The first is receiving your children as they are, and really honoring who they are, I think it can get really complicated when we have expectations and desires for children. And they don’t hold those same expectations and desires for themselves. And it can be painful, when a child doesn’t see for themselves what’s possible the way that you do. But until they catch up to that vision, pushing them in a direction, they’re not ready to go doesn’t work. And this is probably one of my strongest learning edges. Because where the rule driven child is concerned, that child often pushes themselves away too hard. And I want to pull them back from that the other child, in my opinion doesn’t push hard enough, and then I want to shove but neither of those are mine tops. Now this is an opinion, by the way, this is just translating the 100% rule into parenting the way I have come to parent, I am not like I said, I’m not suggesting I have the winning equation. What I have found, though, is that this has opened up a lot of space in my relationship to both children to really accept who they are. And instead of pulling them or pushing them is opening up awareness for them of what’s possible, and asking them to tell me what part of that they’re choosing, asking them to tell me? Do they need a little bit of a shove. And rather than it being a shove, it’s actually support? Right? It’s just support behind them? To get them in motion? Do they need me to pull them back from the maybe an extreme attention to detail and perfectionism? Or would they like me to just let them explore that on their own. Now my kids are older at this point. They’re teens, I was not this kind of parent when they were younger. But it did get to a point where I really felt like I was feeling more and more of a gap between me and one of the children specifically pushing, pushing, pushing. And when I talk about the 100% rule, I say you know that you’ve hit more than your 100% when you feel like you’re pushing a boulder up a hill. Well, that was exactly what it felt like. It felt like I was just pushing this kid and it was like a boulder up the hill. And when I finally out of just pure maybe defeatism or something less aspirational, I just kind of came to the place where I didn’t have the energy for it. And from a maybe a brighter spot or a more love filled spot, I really felt like I was compromising my relationship with this child because I could tell that this child did not feel loved and appreciated. Partly because of what that child was saying to me. But partly just from my feeling state, I just knew this child felt judged, and not accepted. And knowing what I know about development I just knew and I’m talking about adult development, I’m talking about the people I work with, day in and day out. I’m talking about myself, at the core, most of us struggle because we don’t feel loved and accepted. And the fact that I was doing things that was leaving that child feeling not loved and accepted was just too dangerous to me. It felt too much like a crisis to me to keep engaging in that behavior. And so I pulled back but that didn’t instantly open up a beautiful space of faith. Most of the time when we get to the 100% mark, and we have to let go, no matter what area of our life we’re in. We feel scared. Because control is what has allowed us taking action is what’s allowed us to feel somewhat safe in the experience of the unknown. And so what I did in that space, just feeling incredible fear that if I didn’t keep pushing this child, they might fail was I had to Trust. And this was this was a journey, I will say this wasn’t instantaneous, but I had to trust that one. They had their own spirit team, their own spirit guides, angels and guardians, that two the Divine had their back exactly the same way the divine has my back. Right, and that they were not mine, they were not possessions this child was not my possession was not my I was there, I was meant to be a steward of them into the world, and not an owner, right. And as the steward, I had to trust that the divine would inspire me to take action and inspired action never feels like pushing a boulder up a hill, the divine wouldn’t inspire me to take inspired action when needed to intervene on this child’s behalf. And then that this child would also bring in their own helpers that were not me. And in fact, that happened. And at one of the things I had to get to was that that child might fail in school to the point that they had to do summer school, or get left back. And that may not be your edge, yours might be something else. But I really had to agree to that option being on the table, in order to allow the 100% rule to take effect. I think this can be a place that’s very confusing for people, whether you’re talking about parenting or something else, is that okay, I’ve let go, right? Let’s take put parenting aside and say, Your money flow is an issue. I’ve already lets money flow client flow, I’m out of a job and I’m looking for another job. And now I feel like the things I’m doing to bring money in to bring clients in to bring this work and feels like I’m pushing a boulder up a hill that tells me I’m supposed to let go. When you let go, if you are letting go and basically saying, Okay, I’m letting go so divine, you’re going to bring me the job, you’re going to bring me the clients, you’re going to bring me the money. That’s actually not fully letting go. Fully letting go is acknowledging that the job not coming that the clients not coming or the money not coming is possible. And that if that happens, that is for my highest good, your highest good. That’s really scary. That is really scary. To think that that need not being fulfilled is a possibility. Right? And that’s where many people get tripped up, because they’ll come to me that I see this in, you know, the magic lounge, and someone will say to me, okay, I let go. I’ve been letting go for two weeks. And the job has not shown up. And my answer is well, yeah, the job might not have shown up yet. The Divine didn’t say, Okay, let go and the jobs gonna show up the divine saying, let go because you need to process you need to be in process right now there’s something happening, that needs to happen in divine timing. And you have to trust or build up the trust, so that you can reach your highest and best path. And inevitably, that in hindsight, it’s always clear what the highest and best path was, and how something that felt hard at the time, served you beautifully. But when you’re in it, that is not easy. And so when I was sitting there really honoring that my son, not potentially having the experience that he wants in school being on the table that was concerning for me. And yet I knew that’s where I had to go. And then magic happened, where about two weeks after that, he suddenly found his inspiration around getting his work done. Because the way he’s built me pushing against him just caused him to push back and resist and then yet he found his own place. And teachers came into his life in different ways, they start behaving differently, and lots of space opened up around this. Now that’s just one example. I’ve seen this with lots of things were child, child, not for myself with a client, or a member of the magic Lounge is being very difficult and the fear that gets triggered into us that they’re having very antisocial, what we would consider antisocial behaviors, you know, they’re not wanting to be around people or they’re being nasty or they’re being difficult, right? Our mind projects into the future that they will not be socially acceptable, right. That’s where fear is our fears. If we don’t fix this, they will not have a productive life because no one will want to be friends with them or be in partnership with them or hire them or work with them. Whatever it is, we project into the future that they can now have a full healthy, vibrant life. If, unless we fix this thing in them, and that discounts the fact that they are processing their own individual journey, and that that is part of their relationship with the divine. Now, if they’re harming themselves or they’re harming others, I’m not suggesting that you don’t intervene. What I’m suggesting is, you have to clue in first to what feels true to you. What feels like love? And where do you feel like you’re pushing a boulder up the hill? And if you let go of that boulder,
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what are the alternatives that are available? Now I will say that I was very communicative with both my children, when I was making choices to step back, and release control in certain places where it felt like I was pushing a boulder up the hill, I communicated to them, I am no longer going to do X, Y, and Z. Because here’s the end result, if you continue to do this, and I am going to trust you, that you can make the choice for yourself and whether you want that end result to happen. And what I will offer you is that if you need my help changing XY and Z behavior, that you will ask me for it. And I want you to know that I will stop what I’m doing, as soon as I can, within reason, and help you with that problem, and help you with that challenge help you change that behavior. Now with both children, I regularly check in remind them of that process and promise and ask them for feedback on where they are. And again, my children are teenagers, so they’re able to communicate with me, this obviously won’t work with a two year old. And you have to decide something different if your child is two, or four, or six, and on and on and on. But my hope is that this is given you some level of insight into what it looks like to navigate parenting, taking into consideration the 100% rule, the fifth rule. And you know, another rule that becomes super valuable is that first rule receive the outer world, which includes receiving other people, which translates in parenting to receiving your child for who they truly are letting go of your dreams for them, to allow them to create their own dreams, and to become who they’re going to become. Now, I will say that when my children get disappointed, and they get hurt by the world, and they receive the natural consequences for the choices that they make my heartbreaks, I say it over and over again, having a child is like having your nerves on the outside of your body, having your nerves just walking around without any skin or cover, just walking around in the world where anything can hurt, right, and you have no control over it. And that’s just the reality, at least for me as a parent, and they find that for a lot of the people I talked to around this topic, that’s true. So I get it, it is hard to let that control go because it hurts, it hurts to see your children hurt. And that is where you need to ask for help from the Divine, to work with that pain inside yourself. Because almost always, the pain we feel when we see our children get hurt is not just that pain of their experience. It’s bringing up something in us from our own childhood. And so every time we get hurt, because our child is hurting, we have the opportunity to see inside ourselves and see where there’s wounding, that we can then process that we can then get healthy with that we can heal because when we heal a wound within ourselves, we heal it. Seven generations forward and seven generations back.
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So if you’re trying to figure out what is it that I can do, to help my child, be at peace with their body image, reach for greater success, know that they are more than enough, see what’s possible for themselves. And you feel like you’ve done what you can do and doing any more with them feels like you’re pushing a boulder up a hill. That’s when you can turn the lens in on yourself and say, Where do I not see possibility for myself? Where do I not see that I’m enough? Where do I have possibly a dysfunctional relationship with food, friendship, love, romance, whatever it is. And the answer might be you don’t write the romance or maybe you are fully healed and this is exclusively theirs. But if you can heal, if you can do work to process that within yourself, you’re doing the absolute best thing you can do not just for your own child by for generations forward, generations back and then that goes out in a whole rainbow to generations. To the side as well, to, to nieces, to nephews to cousins, when we heal those generational wounds, that’s when we really start to impact our full family. So I hope that this was meaningful for you. I hope it was helpful for you. And of course, one of the best things I do when I make these risky choices, they feel risky to me and parenting is I ask the Divine for a sign, and severally I ask my mother and father, they’re on the other side of the veil, so they know what generational wounds were handed down to me, and my father in law, who I love dearly and is on the other side of the veil, I asked all of them, send me a sign to tell me I’m on the right track. And if you’re not sure what those signs look like, if you don’t know what time to choose, go to pattylennon.com/signs, and you can download my cheat sheet that gives you the 10 most common signs that we are given and that people receive typically, as well as some help in figuring out what the perfect sign is for you. Have a beautiful day. And I wish you a lot of space for magic. Hey, thanks for listening. If you know someone who needs to hear this message, please share this episode with them. And if you’re feeling really generous, I’d love for you to leave us a review at your favorite podcast app. It helps us reach many more people and it fills my heart with so much joy. When I hear what you have to say about what I’ve shared. I’m cheering for your success. Have an amazing day. And don’t forget, always create space for magic.
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