Two weeks ago I had surgery. It was a fairly low-risk procedure and I’m fine now. The days leading up to it was another story. I was at loose ends and could not sit still.
I got in the car intending to go to the cemetery to talk to my mom. I can talk to her anywhere but when I’m there it feels …different. After her death I went there almost every day to connect. The place is imbued with the “us” we became after her death. Me physical. Her non-physical.
Right before I got there she nudged me to turn into the bookstore around the corner from the cemetery. As I pulled into the parking lot I said “Ok mom I’m here. Show me something I need to see. Give me something I’ll know came from you. I need to feel you close.”
As I walked by the front windows a book caught my eye. It was sitting on a shelf, out of place among comic books, left there by a shopper who decided not to take it with them.
When I got inside the title “When Breath Becomes Air” shifted something. My shoulders relaxed. Breathing slowed. This was it, a gift from mom.
The author, Paul Kalanithi, attempts to answer the question “What gives life meaning?” as he navigates a terminal illness. I read the book in a day. It led me to another and another after that.
I quickly dropped down a rabbit hole of memoirs written by people with terminal illnesses. Each author wrestles with questions of value, meaning and worth. In each one I felt my mom near me, urging me to connect with my own values and sense of meaning.
That journey has cleared up some questions I’ve had about what comes next for me and what gets left behind. I am not facing a terminal illness but none of us knows how much time we have left.
“What will you do with your one wild and precious life?” asks Mary Oliver. That is what I’m asking myself right now.
After the surgery I came to learn from my Spirit Guides that something very important happened while I was under anesthesia. I’ll share more about that in an email on Tuesday. What I can tell you is that it is comforting to know I was a walking bundle of nerves for a reason lol.
When you are in doubt, anxious or need support that is when your loved ones and Spirit Guides are especially close. Call to them, connect with them. They will help!
In Friday’s email I had shared the 4 Steps I recommend to anyone looking to connect to their Spirit Team which you can read more about here. The key is consistency!
Love and blessings,
Patty
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